Home » Challenge » Decisions, Temptations, Pressures, Self-Sabotage

Decisions, Temptations, Pressures, Self-Sabotage

Bloody hell! I think I have to re-evaluate just how I converse with The Universe! Or maybe I don’t follow the Law of Attraction properly. Or, even worse, maybe I am self-sabotaging again…

Here I am, with a golden opportunity to try something different, do the things I “never have the time to do”, do nothing at all, reflect, go into a totally different direction, create a new raison d’être, dream up a new business…

I feel like my world is out there, just waiting for me to experience it. If I don’t allow myself to be scared. Sometimes it feels like my vision is being blurred and I’m looking at an insurmountable wall!

Whiteface Mountain

Whiteface Mountain

Well, I happened to have climbed this particular wall just over 10 days ago so I know I can!

The thing is, I know it’s me who’s blurring my vision and no one else. I admit to having moments of uncertainty about what the future holds and making the right decisions but isn’t this part of the adventure? To finding out what the world has to offer me? To find my true path?

So what do I mean by decisions, temptations, self-sabotage and whatnot?

Well, along comes one job offer. At first I thought it could be interesting as it was to show houses on week-ends. Could be fun, I work on Dale’s Delectables during the week, make a few bucks on the week-ends (a little insurance, if you would)… I got tempted because it would be a way to be out there with people seeing if I have the chops to sell or promote something; then reason returned. What the hell am I contemplating? I won’t be able to do my cardio-kick class on Saturdays! More importantly, this totally cuts into family time! Everyone else works and goes to school during the week so I’ll disappear on the week-ends? Nix that one.

Then comes a second offer for 15-20 hours per week. Hmmm… that could be good. It was a “no-brain-required” type of job. I could continue figuring out what exactly to do with DD, whilst earning some coin doing something I’ve never done. In my mind, maybe it represented a few mornings per week. Nope, the schedule was: Monday and Wednesdays from 7:30 am to 4:30 pm AND Friday from 7:30 am to 12:00 – and at minimum wage, to boot! I would not have the time to really develop anything with DD and, let’s face it, I cannot see that working at a job at a third of my previous salary would be ego-boosting at all. No, seriously, this is a recipe for me to ensure that I do nothing to move foreward and into a new adventure. I could then try to convince myself that it wasn’t my fault, I just didn’t have the time.

I am so NOT going down that road!

There is also the pressure. I had a good paying job (which bored me to tears) with good benefits and allowed (arranged?) myself to be released from it (now THAT was a good use of the Law of Attraction!). So now I have basically less than half a year to “find” a new job to replace it. After all, hubby is self-employed and has none of those benefits (but tons others, if you ask me) so there is this nagging guilt that it is my job to go out and replace what I’ve lost. Bullshit. I wanted out of my job for about three years now and just never had the balls to actually quit, and felt the pressure not to so anyway. So, since I couldn’t quit myself, I got myself “quit”! (Note: Not overly proud of my technique but in the end I got what I wanted.)

Of course family means well when they ask if I have begun searching for a job yet or want details on what exactly I want to DO. As I am still unable to give a precise answer, it is met with some worry. Or when I say some of the ideas I do have, it is met with: “But there is a lot of competition in that” or “Do you think you could make enough money doing that?”, etc. I know they mean well and have my best interest at heart.

I truly have faith that this time I’ve been given will help me find clarity and finally figure out at the “ripe old age of 49” just what I want to be when I grow up!!

7 thoughts on “Decisions, Temptations, Pressures, Self-Sabotage

  1. So much of what you say here rings true with me – and I understand the pressure of opting out of ‘real work’, ie, paid employment. When I’m faced with options such as those you describe, I basically ask myself one question: would I be doing it only for the money? If the answer is yes, I decline. You will survive, you will not starve, and it takes a while to build a business. I wish you every success. I’m just going to browse around your blog now and BTW – thanks for visiting mine. 🙂

    • Exactomundo! There is not an office job out there that I would do that would NOT be just for the money. Thanks very much for your comment! I know I will not starve (I keep reminding my husband as well!) and I will take the time necessary.

      Have an excellent day!

  2. Dale!!! Bloody hell is a fine way to begin a post and raison d’être is one of my fave phrases! Love your writing and wit, but I knew that from your comments over on The Hoombah! To be bored can be very nasty. But making money is so fashionable and useful. I tend to lean towards risk whenever possible, but I look forward to seeing how you play it! Have a field of dill Monday!!!

    • Thanks so much for the follow! And the praise (I know one must not “need” praise to move forward but it does so feel good, doesn’t it?) Yes indeed, money is a necessity and I will find a way to keep on doing what I’m doing!

      Keep on keepin’ on!

  3. Hi Dale,

    I’m sort of in the same boat, trying to create something (a blog) that will (hopefully) make money, so that I don’t have to resort to another soul-sucking job for the money. I turned down a job this summer that sounded lovely, right up until the hours I would need to work were greatly increased while the money stayed the same (um, no thank you!). So, I agree with the other commenters about patience, and just listen to your gut for what’s truly right for you. I’ve found this has gotten easier as I’ve gotten older (I’m just a year behind you).

    Glad to have found your blog (through Hoombah) and I look forward to reading more from you.

    Best,
    Joy

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