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Bittersweet

Another chapter has come to an end.  A page has been turned.

Two weeks ago I got a call from the Ford dealership telling me that as a preferred customer, I was invited to come and see the offerings.  Well, I wasn’t invited, Mick was.  I broke the news to them that Mick was no longer with us and after condolences were offered, I was told that of course, I was more than welcome to come in.

The day before the meeting, I got a confirmation phone call from our sales rep., Luc, who had not been brought up to speed.  Once again condolences…

I walk in and, with a handshake and a hug (Mick caused that effect in everyone!) he apologised.  Apologised!  Not his fault that he wasn’t told!  Very nice.  He was quite upset about the whole thing.

Well, after discussing options, the decision was made by me to say good-bye to Mick’s beloved Ford F-150 Lariat.  He loved that truck.  He had wanted one for so long and when he got the OK from Raffi, the accountant (When Raffi said “no”, you didn’t; and when Raffi said “yes”, you did!) to buy it well, he went all out.  That thing got washed and polished and shined and was used to haul the trailer to and from Florida, Cape May, Mount Washington and wherever else we went camping.  Yes, he used it for work; to bring displays to and from suppliers and clients and he even made sure that bad boy was polished and shiny so I could deliver my catered goods in it, even offering to chauffeur me around.

To say it was difficult to let it go is an understatement.  I signed the paperwork and drove home, crying all the way.  (My car was not available, so I had it for another week or so.)  It felt like I was cutting off another piece of Mick.  It almost felt like a betrayal.  No, no, I know it wasn’t but it still felt so… so, I don’t know, wrong!  It was not really feasible for me to keep it, especially since the boys had pretty much decided they were done with camping. (It was a Dad-thing.)  Since I no longer needed to learn how to pull the trailer and since it costs an arm and a leg, it was the best thing to do.  Yes, I know, Mick would approve my choice. Still.

I managed to keep my secret for the almost two weeks it took to get my new car, despite my sister and brother-in-law’s offers to help me sell the Beast.  I managed to nod and agree that yes, it would be the smart thing to do (to sell it) and that, when  I was ready, I would definitely accept all aid offered.  How I kept my mouth shut is beyond me!  But I did.

My poor sales rep was freaking out because he could not find a dealership with the “Metallic Sunset” that I wanted.  You see, my favourite colour since about the age of 10-12 is orange.  I wanted at least a hint of orange in my new vehicle!  I have never been able to buy myself a car in the colour and make desired before.   There were always outside influences ~ and let’s just leave it at that!  Given my situation, I think Luc took it upon himself to do the necessary to give me what I wanted.  Took him a week to find one hundreds of miles away!  Made the necessary arrangements to have it for me by this week.  I got the phone call on Monday telling me that I could come at whatever time was convenient to me on Tuesday.  Omigosh!  I am getting a brand-spanking-new car!

But now I had to empty the Beast.  Remove whatever Mick had accumulated inside.  Who would think that collecting change, flashlights, measuring tapes, small tools, tissues, notebooks, plugs, chargers, etc. could bring up so much emotion.  Oh, I joked about his being a hoarder but man; this was a snippet ~ a big snippet ~ of who he was and what he did.

Come Tuesday, I went to the gym, walked the dog, went through my MK products and then made my way to the Ford Dealership for my 1:00 p.m. appointment.  I suddenly got an urge for a couple of steamies and fries so I stopped off at “La Belle Province” for a greasy, memory-filled lunch (a favourite of Mick’s) and then made my way, lump in my throat, to the dealership.

Backed the truck into a parking space while some old man watched me from the inside the store (wonder if I impressed him with my prowess?) and went to meet with Luc.  Sign here, and here and here; initial here and here; pay this much and let’s go see your new Ford Escape!  We sat inside and Luc went through all the bells and whistles and off I drove.

I truly had not planned on getting a new car ~ I’ve always had slightly used ones ~ I must admit, I’m not sad.

 

 

 

 

59 thoughts on “Bittersweet

  1. Dale…that is bittersweet! I loved this beautiful post because it continues to reveal you as the strong (and still funny) woman that you are. So, so moving about cleaning out the old car–I could totally relate, from having (years ago) cleaned out a whole house from parents who had passed away. Never an easy task to go through the things that remain, even the most common things that should mean nothing.

    You are AMAZING, girl!
    xox Joy

    P.S. That new car totally suits you!

    • Thanks Joy. I swear, each new chapter/project/task brings up so much. It’s crazy. Like you said, little things that should mean nothing, so don’t.
      Amazing and funny. I like it! 😉
      Thanks! I thought so too! xoxo

  2. You have a way of writing, Dale, that paints vivid images and touches the heart. I’ve never been in your situation and hope I never gave to experience that pain and loss but like many who have

    • I hope you don’t either.
      Thank you, George. I really appreciate it. Should I doubt my writing abilities, I’ll come and re-read this!

      • I’m sorry my thoughts were cut off but your words reminded me of sitting in my fathers car after he passed away quite suddenly, going through the things he left behind and turning on the radio, as if listening to the last station he had on could somehow bring me closer to him. You have shown your strength once again and reminded us how difficult this journey is and how each day brings a new challenge that you have faced with grace and an inspiring attitude. Thank you for sharing yourself with us in this way. God Bless.

  3. Well in the midst of my tears for your sorrow, I’m laughing about Raffi. I need a Raffi ‘cuz I’m the hardass who says ‘no’ in our family.

    Dale, you with such warmth and heart, I can’t help but love Mick through your eyes. He and his truck make an adorable pair. I’m sure it was very difficult to clean out the paraphenalia from that recent part of Mick’s life. You were so courageous to take all this on by yourself.

    And I love your new car – the start of a beautiful friendship 😊💞🎀

  4. What a lovely post. I always think it is the little things that are the hardest, that bring up the bittersweet memories.

    You are a beautiful woman and always come across as very strong. I don’t know if you really are, but your photo always makes me smile and picks me up if I am feeling a bit hard done by 🙂

    • Thanks, Gillie! It really is the little things that seem to be the hardest.

      I think I am, strong, that is! And I am happy I make you smile. 🙂

    • Thanks, Paul… Magnificent, eh? OK… I’ll take it! Yes, the colour is totally me (If I had the option of even more orange, I would have taken it!)

  5. I can’t imagine the emotions you went through with everything around this transaction … but you made it! 😀

    But …….
    1) It’s not pink!

    2) So, how did you keep you mouth shut? 😉

  6. Oh this really does sound tough. I remember my Dad once saying that getting through the first year after someone passes away is often the hardest. Your life gets back to some kind of normal but as all the usual milestones come up over the coming 12 months you do them for the first time without that person.

    Like Joy, I think you’re amazing and your new car looks very cool. I hope you’re enjoying it :).

    • It was/is Cathryn! The first year is (just have to look back to my son and my father). My new normal is still being created and we got through Easter ~ not without some tight throats, especially when my brother-in-law took out the small keg of beer Mick had given him and that he had originally wanted to break out at Christmas…

      Thanks so much for your kind words. I most definitely am! Gonna go down to New Yawk with it and harass Joy in New Jersey! 😉

  7. Enjoy your new car and think how much sunshine it is bringing you from your connections above 🙂 hugs

  8. Beautiful story, beautiful new car, beautiful you! I have to ask, though I have ideas of what it might be, what is a steamy? LoL!

  9. It’s funny how unexpected little things, like Mick’s belongings in his truck, can embody a person. You make it clear how the truck was a big part of your family life. Sad to say good-bye. Moving on – your new car looks beautiful. ❤

    • Thanks Vivi! It truly is the case. But one must move forward. The memories remain and we can laugh about our (mis) adventures…actually, I will be sharing our stories.
      Thank you, I love it!

  10. I think it was Dietrich Bonhoeffer who wrote something like we don’t close the wound of grief but keep it open so living memories in time become sweet rather than sad.

  11. Pingback: Sunday Gratitude – April 12, 2015 | A Delectable Life

  12. Dale, you have me in tears. I don’t know how you have managed so well to separate your actual needs from the desire to hold on to one of Mick’s treasures. You are such an inspiration to me.

  13. Pingback: #WeekendCoffeeShare – Milestones, Letting Go and Fun Stuff | A Dalectable Life

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