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Idyll – Friday Fictioneers

Friday Fictioneers is here and I am posting on this Thursday night because, frankly, I just had so much trouble coming up with a story!  I had all sorts of ideas and none could make it “to paper” so to speak.  I decided to throw caution to the wind and try something new.  Thank you, as always, to Rochelle for graciously hosting this party.  Erin Leary, thank you for your photo.  It truly had me stumped this week!  And, to Sandra Crook, long-standing member of this troupe, kudos go out to you for winning First Place in the 500 Flash!  That is so wonderful (and the story is great!)

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Copyright Erin Leary

Copyright Erin Leary

Genre:  Attempt at Prose

Word count:  100

IDYLL

Sandy beaches, as far as the eye can see
Sunshine blazing
Heat rising in waves off the pavement
Parasols dotting the seascape
No bare spots to be found
Burnt and tanned bodies
The scents of various sunscreens
Drinks with little parasols
Scents of barbecue and sweets
Steel drums and Calypso music

Idyll?
For some

Fields of lily pads
Straw hats and bent over bodies
Humidity that soaks your clothes in no time
Cacophonous city centre
Tinkle of bicycle bells
Hawking of street vendors
Incomprehensible language
No room to move
Unfamiliar spices wafting
Melodious, enchanting, yet jarring, music

Idyll?
For others

61 thoughts on “Idyll – Friday Fictioneers

  1. Neatly contrasted, Dale, but somehow you seem ill at ease with both scenarios.
    I suspect that your idyll lies in a deeper, more meaningful, environment.
    But I do like that you achieve the first goal of Sound Bite Fiction, you provoke thought.
    Well done.

    • Thank you, mon ami I am I’ll at ease with the whole thing and am relieved I did manage to get my thought across.
      Truly appreciate your comment.

  2. Dear Dale,

    I’m the last one to critique poetry. I like the images and you had me in both verses with sight, sound and scent. I say your experiment is a success. That’s also what Friday Fictioneers is about, isn’t it? Trying something new in a safe environment. (That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.)

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    • Oh thank you, Rochelle! I was hoping to get the idyll as prose itself, as a description of an enjoyable scene (not so pastoral, but to each his own!).
      Yes, I felt it would be a safe environment!

  3. This is great, I love your experiment. The contrast comes out very well, and it’s a great take on the prompt. My idyll would be a lot less populated and a lot more nature, but from time to time I enjoy both of your idylls, too. It’s not either, or, but give me all of it. 😉

  4. I really enjoyed this, Dale. And I hear you. I struggle every week! But, I so love when I write a story. You should be proud of this, too. Like others have said, maybe neither scenario is perfect. I really like the tinkle of the bicycle bell. Maybe the things that seem familiar make us comfortable.

  5. You covered both sides very well, Dale.
    I like your prose. The imagery comes through in every word.
    I like to listen to Calypso and steel bands but it can be boring after
    several songs. “Sandy beaches, as far as the eye can see
    Sunshine blazing” … uncomfrtable sunburn comes to mind.
    I think I’d like a quiet sapce in a sunny room with a book. 😁
    Isadora 😎

    • Thank you, Isadora! I must confess, I like sandy beach vacations but not on overly crowded ones. And I will sit under a parasol away from the blazing sun, thank you very much! With a book in hand… 😉

  6. Lovely contrasting images and nicely constructed lines. The pictures you paint are evocative and atmospheric.You did well with your experiment. I enjoyed it.

  7. Well done, Dale. Very strong images you’ve painted there, although I’d not want to be in either place. It’s all too sweaty for my liking! Makes me long to travel to the Norwegian Fjords, or the blustery Outer Hebrides.

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