Home » Friday Fictioneers » You Call This an Act of Love? – Friday Fictioneers

You Call This an Act of Love? – Friday Fictioneers

Good Thursday evening, my lovely readers.  Welcome to this week’s edition of Friday Fictioneers.  Our fabulous hostess Rochelle Wisoff-Fields has chosen FFF (Fellow Friday Fictioneer) Kelvin M. Night‘s wonderfully whimsical photo.  So many possibilities.   Let’s just say I’ve had a rough two weeks.  This story is not fiction and I’m not the daughter, I’m the daughter-in-law.  We did win our court hearing yesterday and my mother-in-law has one chance to prove she can live on her own with medical help… Fingers crossed she accepts the help!

Next week, I bring smiles, I promise!

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You Call This an Act of Love?

The old woman sitting in the wheelchair glared at the younger woman seated in front of her.

“How could you do this to me?  I’m fine.  There is nothing wrong with me! I just want to go home.  They’re keeping me here against my will!”

“We all just want you safe.  You’ve started forgetting some things and you’re not too stable on your feet.  We don’t want you to come to any harm.  A safe environment is what you need.”

“I want to be in my own home.  You call this an act of love?”

“Yes, I really do, Mother.”

91 thoughts on “You Call This an Act of Love? – Friday Fictioneers

  1. Ah, yes! When a senior’s mind starts slipping the first thing that usually happens is they get suspicious of other people. Fearful that the children will just want to grab their stuff —which is usually worthless, but try to tell them that!— or get them out of their home. The last thing to register, if it ever does, is that they’re not capable. My sympathy to you having to deal with these issues and feelings.

    • And NO! She is NOT forgetting anything! Ugh. So hard. And I am not looking forward to cleaning out her apartment. It is loaded with junk. I would like to go through it before she is allowed back home but might run out of time. Oh well…

  2. Such a hard choice. A friend of mine… her grandmother was found after a fall and they had no idea how long she’d been there. She’s ok fortunately, but there are so many considerations. It’s just hard all round

  3. Wow, that’s difficult..I;ve been there and it’s not fun. It males you think of your future too. Courage my friend XOXO

  4. My mother accepted it without a fight, but I felt terrible. It was like I’d thrown my own mother under the bus. Logic tells you one thing and emotion another. A difficult decision for all parties. You captured it well.

  5. Dear Dale,

    Yes, it is an act of love. It’s hard for her to see that, I’m sure. But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, her son chose one helluva daughter in law. Well done, my friend. (Your story, too)

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  6. It’s so sad when this happens. I know quite a few people who are fighting hard to care at home for loved ones suffering from dementia, but I see their exhaustion and the toll it’s taking on them. The act of love is often knowing when to let go and hand over the care to others. …Well written, Dale.

  7. Dale, yours is an act of unselfish love to care for your MIL whom neither you nor Mick were close to. I pray she will accept help she needs at home and find what she can control and accept want she can’t. I go at this from the other side. I’m the one who wants to be independent as long as I can and figure out what to do when I no longer can. I just canceled a trip to a first ever “cousin’s reunion” in North Carolina because my balance is off. I haven’t fallen but am aware what a mess it would be for my family if I did. I’m still acting like the mother I’ve been for fifty years and not ready to give it up.

    • Thank you, Ina. You know, I do so understand her not wanting to give up her independence. She ALWAYS had to fend for herself. I fought for her in Mick’s name (because I know he would have, whilst grumbling the whole way). I figure, at the very least, she gets to go home and be in her things for a short while.
      Bummer for you that you chose to miss the reunion. Ever consider using a walker to help your balance? I know, I know, it is a hard step to take…. 🙂

  8. I have a Drive “rollator” walker that I adore! I use it around here to do errands. I use a cane, too. It was mainly traveling alone and the challenges of flights and long layovers that stopped me. It calls for more energy than I want to expend. About the balance thing I’m aware of the difference it would make to have a partner to travel with whose arm I could take when needed. The plus of my deciding not to go is how good it feels to let myself make a decision I wanted to make and put myself before trying to keep up with the crowd. I am the oldest cousin.

  9. Yes, been there, done that in a somewhat similar situation. And the older I get the more I understand what *they* (I begin to resent the collective *they* for *old people*) go through. It is indeed an act of love, accepting it is very difficult though. My parents and in-laws never planned for old age, I don’t know what they thought would happen over time with nobody there. We were stuck with making decisions they didn’t like, too.

    • “They”… that universal collective of all-knowing…
      Awful that we are put in such positions…. I think I should get my living will happening…

  10. That’s a really tough situation. If I were the daughter/d-in law/son or whatever, I’d make the same decision. If I were the senior, I’d be livid at losing my freedom. Really no winners 😦

  11. Oh, Dale, my heart goes out to you, dearest one. I went through the same thing with my Mom and Hospice. In the end, she died in her own bed cradled in my arms. She may have been an abuser and an addict and a person who lived with mental retardation, but she was the only mom I really knew. Losing her was like losing a child born of my own body, only worse because no one saw that. Hospice wanted her in hospital, she wanted home with her doggy. I fought every day for her last month to honor her wishes. When all is said and done, I will Never recommend Hospice to anyone, the way they treated her was just plain cruel.

    • I’m in an awkward position in that she is not my mother and I have no real ties to her. Her son was not very close to her and as a result, neither am I. However, I do feel it would be best for her to get a chance to go back home, even if it is for a short while. Hopefully she will accept the care she needs so she can stay as long as she wishes/can…

  12. A situation we all dread. I’ve already told all four of my kids just to do what needs doing and don’t listen to me when I complain. I don’t think they believe me 🙂

  13. I see from the comments that this is based on real life. It does get hard, we were faced with the same dilemma with my MIL. In her case her passing away meant the end to a lot of suffering. On the other hand my mother was seventy eight when she passed away. She had a better memory and was a lot more alert than her thirty years younger son. I feel I need to start booking myself in advance already.

  14. HI Dale, we’re going through similar with my mother. She’s not in a home but everything we try to do for her she objects to and says those words, ‘why are you doing this to me?’ You captured the problem brilliantly in very few words. Been away hence the lateness of the comment

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