Home » Friends » Ridiculously Optimistic or Foolishly Delusional

Ridiculously Optimistic or Foolishly Delusional

“See me for who I am, and then you’ll see the real me.”
Anthony T. Hincks

I have had many adjectives assigned (allotted? thrown?) to/at me over the years.  Most, I believe, are positive:  athletic, strong, caring, generous, beautiful, smart, intelligent, cultured, interesting, resilient (why do I cringe with this one?), open, accepting, helpful, talented, optimistic, realistic, honest, funny.  Some, I know, are negative:  bitchy, cold, heartless, naive, disorganized, lazy, delusional, ridiculous, foolish, sarcastic (on the fence on where this one belongs) – there are surely more but why focus on the negative?  And some fall somewhere in-between; or rather, I know they are not necessarily negative per se, but when they were thrown at me, were not meant to be complimentary:  eccentric, weird, different.  Many, as you can see, are contradictory because perception is, well, what you perceive.

One day I will get to the point in my life where I can say this is my philosophy as well.  I am working on it.  I like to think I’m a good 75% there.

What has this got to do with my title?  Everything.  And nothing, to tell the truth.  I am, and have been, at various times in my life, every single one of the adjectives above – and more.  And will again in the future.  Because that is who I am. What you see, is what you get.  No one is all good, all the time, no matter what people say or think (ridiculously optimistic)?  Nor are they all bad, all the time either (foolishly delusional)?

I’m blathering.

Because I have been thinking lately about friendships and romance.  And won’t lie.  Have been rather frustrated and kinda lonely at times.  Maybe I’ve been thinking too much!

We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It’s a death trap.

And, much as I say I have no expectations, it’s really hard not to have at least a little…

Friendships:  We form all sorts of friendships with people.  Some are surface-type and of lesser import and others go much deeper.  With the deeper ones, we like to think (and can’t help but expect) the other feels the same way about us as we do, them.  It is heartbreaking when you realise that no, you are not on the same wavelength at all.  Sometimes the other plays along to your tune to make you happy until they finally admit to themselves that this is not what they wanted in the first place and slowly drift away or immediately cut ties.  You are left standing wondering what the hell you did wrong and why the music stopped.  The truth is, you did nothing wrong.  And neither did they.  The other had different lyrics in mind.  To be fair, it goes both ways.  And to be even more honest, there rarely is malicious intent (this may be naive of me but I’ll keep that trait, thank you very much).  Of course, it would be wonderful if each communicated to the other their desires from the get-go…

“When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as
the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.”
Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

Romance/Sex/Love:  This one is a hard one.  I can say all sorts of things but losing Mick put me in a position I was frankly not that interested in finding myself.  I remember telling him once that I would prefer to keep the devil I knew then to find myself out there on the “market” again.  Thanks a lot, Mick.  What’s a woman to do? 51, working in her own kitchen, all her friends (mostly) are coupled…  How are you supposed to meet people guys?  So I signed up for a couple dating Apps.  Yes, those ones.  And I won’t lie.  I had a lot of fun.  And a lot of headaches.  I was not looking to become part of a full-time couple – not permanently, anyway and not at that particular time 😉  I wanted to go out, do stuff with someone, date.  Not that I have a problem with taking myself to the movies and such; but let’s face it, it is much more enjoyable à deux.  This dating shit is not for the faint of heart, lemme tell you.  I could write a book.  Point is, I go off and on these stupid sites every time I get fed up of being alone and in the hope of meeting someone who wants to do more than have a one-night-stand.  That old optimism thing.  Which I quit again.  Was exhausting.

“…sometimes I get tired. Sometimes I get bored. And sometimes all I want, more than anything else in the world, is to go on a freaking date.”
Kiersten White, Paranormalcy

I shall call this my little rant.  It shall pass.  It always does.

 

75 thoughts on “Ridiculously Optimistic or Foolishly Delusional

  1. You are entitled to your rant.
    Now, my friend who really wanted to meet someone joined a singles club of volunteers who went to clean up area parks and found the second love of his life. Maybe you should think about what you really *love* to do and see of there’s an associated singles club. Nothing to lose.

  2. Q,

    I think it is totally human to believe that the universe is actually talking to us when something goes right, or wrong. But what if that’s not it at all? What if everything we think we know? We don’t?
    One thing I do not miss are dating sites. As you said, it is fun, but it’s also a headache at times. I always felt that people on dating sites were auditioning their best selves rather than being themselves.
    As for what the universe IS telling us? I like to think the universe gives us things simply. Sometimes we make them complicated. That’s when you have to step back and say, dang . . I really love that the universe has sent me something special.
    An excellent post to ponder on, and I don’t think it’s a rant at all. 🙂

    Peace and understanding in this universe we call home

  3. Dale, I enjoyed this so much and like the others do not see a rant at all. I love the Anthony Hopkins’ quote which I saw on FB recently and shared because it is so comforting. We are not all gorgeous social butterflies 24/7 with perfect personal lives 25/8. We mess up and get ourselves out of awkward situations hundreds of times and provided we don’t fall apart to the extent that we hurt or bother people, then it is as Sir Hopkins says, none of their business. Focus on all those positive adjectives and I guarantee that life still has a lot more good stuff in store for you and probably sooner than you think.

    • Awww… thank you, Jilly! I truly do appreciate your wonderful words. That Anthony Hopkins quote as quite frankly become my mantra. Sometimes I have to remind myself: “None of my business, none of my business, doesn’t belong to me….”
      I usually do. Just had a momentary frustrated blip 😉
      Lotsa love sent your way!

  4. I’m sorry for your loss Dale, especially at such a young age.
    I didn’t see this as a rant at all. Being ‘single’ when you have been part of a couple is awkward, especially with friends who are still couples. Divorce make wives scurry to shut the doors to keep their man out of your clutches, but widowhood is another matter and sometimes friends can’t handle it, don’t know what to say, and don’t want to upset you.

  5. As I read this, I kept thinking – yep – this is the Dale that I’ve come to know AND appreciate. In your adjectives list, I see come kindred spiritness. (I’m not sure if that’s a word, but it works.). Meanwhile, keep your head up and keep forging ahead!

  6. Very well said Dale..some of your words literally were in my own thoughts. I have met many people throughout my life..some ended up being great friends and others not so great. The experiences made me grow as a person and have left me wirh many fond memories. Although some have left scars that are too difficult to erase I’d like to think that at least i’ve brought a tiny slice of happiness to their lives too!

  7. This was a very thoughtful rant (and I agree with others, not really much of a rant). 🙂 I can understand how frustrating it must be sometimes. For what it’s worth, I think you’d be such a fun person to hang out with–you know, in those mid-day hours when we’re both awake. 😉

  8. Rant? I think this is more of a status update and you are very kind in sharing your thoughts with us. I have been alone during certain periods of my life and no matter what everyone says, it can really start to wear thin. Joining singles groups on trips, cooking, or any number of other time consumers sometimes has the effect of creating anxiety from the whole idea that this current state might be permanent. My hope is you will find a deux who gives you laughter and peace of mind.

  9. Love the song. Love you. Love The Prophet. Love Rumi.

    I’m struggling to find the words to wrap you in love and acceptance and comfort. I’ve been alone, carrying the load of my children and myself. It’s wonderful and heartbreaking at the same time.

    It may pass, like it always has before, but that knowledge doesn’t make it easier to bear now.

    So, go buy some cheap wine, lock the doors, close the curtains and get drunk. Talk to yourself because you are the best fucking friend you’ve ever had and your wisdom will blow you away. Take selfies and email them to me. Swear like a….um…..well, swear like me. Tell your favorite jokes and laugh your ass off. Be a diva and drape yourself over furniture until your back forces you to stop. Put on some music and dance the dance of drunks everywhere. Eat sinful food and justify it to yourself because you deserve it.

    Tomorrow morning stagger to the kitchen for coffee and thank Gawd you are alone. No one wants witnesses to that kind of hedonism.

    💖😘

    • Lori, you are certifiable… And I adore you for it.

      I’m already feeling the love, trust me! Yes, it is wonderful and heartbreaking (not to mention frustrating and at times, prison-worthy – coz… yanno)

      It will pass, I know that.

      Cheap wine? Cheap wine? Who the hell do you think I am, anyway? No way José! Though, it will take more than one bottle to get me that drunk, I fear. And I’ll have to kick the kids out of the house – which is really, REALLY hard to do…

      Luv ya to bits, you crazy Sister from another Mister! xoxo

  10. I am a slightly seasoned lush so it takes more than just a little to get me really tanked and good wine is expensive. Whiskey has more bang for your buck, which is why I sometimes go that route.

    As for the kids…..get naked. You’ll be surprised how quickly they find somewhere else they need to be. Trust me on this.

    Hugs Baby 😎

    • Uh..hello? Preaching to the choir. That said. I have decided “I’m worth it. Fuck that shit of drinking crap. Not like I’m spending my hard-earned cash on some man…

      LOL..that could scar them for life…

      Hugs back at ya, you lovely broad.

  11. I have heard this rant, or a close version, many times, Dale. Several of my friends have been active on dating sites, and their experiences have been mixed. One thing I’ve noted is that some of them have been very critical of the men they’ve dated because they have grown children and grandchildren that compete with available dating time. I’ve been perplexed by their response. Men over 50 who find themselves single again typically have a past! LOL! I’ve learned not to argue with them, though, and figure they’ll have to figure it out for themselves. And, the friends who have a more open nature to the men they meet have found some long-term relationships that seem to be satisfying. I think it’s got to be very hard to discern who you’d like to see and to trust that you are meeting quality individuals you can trust. I admire your initiative to continue to being open. Maybe that’s the intended power of the word resilience! Just being open to seeing what and who comes along! I’m sending you good vibes here! I think you know how to have fun and deserve a quality partner!

    • I tell ya… I won’t lie… if the 50-somethings have children aged 16 or under, I’m out. I’ve been there, done that wirh my own.. I want them to have grown children and am totally cool with grandkids… means they are free to so stuff 😉
      I guess I’m still optimistic which is why I sign up after a while..
      And thanks. I’ll take them.

  12. Dear Dale,

    You know how I feel about you. Eccentric is a wonderful thing to be. One of the things that draws me to you. You’re one of the most honest people I’ve ever met and cherish your friendship.That doesn’t help during the lonely times, does it? I’ve no words of wisdom. I’ve not walked in your shoes and mine are pinching my feet at this moment. I’m here to share wine, rants and tears. Love you, my friend.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  13. It is easy to frustrated and disappointed with friendships and romance. But we can’t live without, can we… However it all turns out, I think Anthony Hopkins is right. We can only be ourselves.

  14. Oh wow, I relate to so much of this, Dale! Yes, we are each of us a tangled web of contradictory adjectives, aren’t we? No such thing as all good or all bad — which is a useful thing to remember when someone else is pissing me off, that it’s true about them, too. And I feel your “lonely sometimes” too: a toast, my friend, to those long nights when what usually is enough life to satisfy just… isn’t, right this minute. Most of my friends are coupled too, or otherwise busy, and somehow I’m busy all the time too, so it’s hard to connect as often or as deeply as I’d wish. And dating? Argh! Worth a much longer rant than what you gave! I did the online dating thing for a while too — as you say, just looking for a date, not a Big Serious Relationship — and maybe I will again, now that I’m ready for something more serious. But these days I just don’t have the energy and time to devote to kissing all those frogs. I keep going out with friends and to community events and meet tons of really wonderful people – who are women, or married men, or gay, or in the rare case that they are single men, are either somewhere around my father’s age, or twenty years younger than me. However… I do have a date set up on Sunday, so who knows, maybe he’ll turn out to be Prince Charming. I’m forever optimistic, too! Otherwise, I might get back online and see what fishes are out there these days.

    (And in answer to the other poster above, talking about women complaining about men spending too much time with their children, that sounds perfect to me! My schedule is literally full to the brim right now, so heaven forbid I meet someone who wants to see me every night — how would that even work? Let’s start with once a weekend and see where it goes from there…)

    • Oh… I could do a post on just the dating part… then I’d have to give it an 18+ rating 😉
      Way too many frogs to kiss…
      Good luck on Sunday!
      I’m still hopelessly optimistic…

      • Yes I know what you mean about the rating, lol! I try to keep my own blog and FB accounts “family-friendly” these days; you never know when an editor or agent (or prospective employer, etc.) will look you up. I’m still waiting to hear if Sunday is on — crossing my fingers…

  15. So much of this I can identify with. But I’ve no words of wisdom to pass on to you. Except you state the obvious, whatever comes along in your life, or perhaps what doesn’t, you’ll always be you. But it might be the you that’s expressed when in a relationship, and it might be the you that’s expressed when you’re on your own. And those two you’s mightn’t be the same. Yet both are you. Keep strong, you are not wrong.

    • Thanks, Crispina. It’s one of those waves things… I like to think I’m the same in or out of a relationship but probably not.
      Ah well… I’m open to whatever comes along when it does.

  16. Rants are a crucial part of good health. And letting anger out. Much better than leaving it to fester inside. It’s funny and lovely that at my age things in books and movies still turn me on sexually. I am also wise enough at my age to let it be a passing fancy. When I was your age I followed my bliss to Chicago and married John thinking that after my first divorce I knew all about relationships. I didn’t. So, divorce number two. Now that I think I understand what it takes to form the relationship I want, I know it takes years I don’t have on this earth most likely. For me living alone is my best choice. As for you, Dale, you never know when your door will open to another mate or friend. ❤

    • I agree. Let it out and don’t fester… and get lovely comments and.sweet words from as you which gives a boost.
      I think it’s great you went and followed your bliss even if it didn’t quite turn out. At least you don’t have to say coulda shoulda woulda…
      I know… I’m open to whatever comes by – eventually 😉
      And you … I’ve heard it can happen 😘

  17. If we didn’t have our ups and downs, we wouldn’t be human.
    I like the way you bare your soul to us and never fear. You are my hero for that. Perhaps, in another – I don’t know – few years I might be able to write my memoir and open myself to be viewed. BRAVO …!!!
    Isadora 😎

    • That is so true. You need dark to see the light.
      Hero status is a tad high 😉 but much appreciated. I dunno why it’s easier to share here than in person…
      So thank you!

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