Home » dverse » The Problem is You Think You Have Time

The Problem is You Think You Have Time

The Universe is funny.  Here I was, trying to put into words this sudden, heartbreaking event and along comes Merril with her dVerse prosery prompt that is exactly what I need.  We had to use the phrase: “when it is over said and done / it was a time / and there was never enough of it.”  –Allison Adelle Hedge Coke, “A Time” Truly. I could not have asked for better.  My son lost his best friend in an accident this weekend. We are all trying to come to grips with it. My heart is broken.  As there are still questions to be answered, I could not do the post I truly wanted to do so this is just perfect.  Then Iain showed me this drawing by Pat, dated September 24, 2017.  I shiver.

“The problem is you think you have time… ”      drawing by Patrice Chevalier, September 24, 2017

 

Born at the age of nine, a friendship for the ages.  At ten you went away to summer camp, doing who-knows-what that shall remain a mystery. At twelve, you went to the same high school and made the football team, where, in your first year, you were undefeated.  By fifteen, you two got kicked out for your “entrepreneurial skills” (which shall remain unnamed – one of many stories to tell in your old age) and to different schools you went. Yet that glue was a good one, its bond secure.

As young adults, you have travelled and experienced thrills most people only think of.  When it is over, said and done, it was a time. And there was never enough of it.  You were supposed to do more, share more. You were to remain forever best friends.  At twenty-two, your adult lives were just beginning.

 

168 thoughts on “The Problem is You Think You Have Time

    • Don’t I know it. I know it far too well, unfortunately. Last night, all his friends gathered at my house, got rip-roaring drunk talking about all the things he did in his short life. It was a beautiful thing. I can tell you this kid took a chunk outta life, never missing an opportunity. Still. It blows.

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  1. So sad. I’m sorry to hear about this. So tragic to lose young people who had their whole lives ahead of them. I know all too well about being “kicked out for your “entrepreneurial skills'”. I experienced a lot of that as a young man.

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  2. Dear Dale,

    Pat’s sketch gave me chills. Almost like he knew he didn’t have much time. Such a tragedy. So sorry for your loss sounds trite…although I am. This is exquisitely written. Heartbreaking.

    Shalom and lotsa hugs,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh my goodness, shivers indeed from that artwork/comment. I didn’t understand the connection that Patrice was your son’s best friend. Again, I’m so sorry. I’m glad this helped you to express some of your grief. Thinking of you and your family and his family ❤️

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  4. So sorry for your loss Dale, your story sent me back a few years to memory lane and the time I lost my best friend in a car accident when we were the same age as your son. He must be devastated, at that age, as you said, life is just beginning and nothing can touch us. Please convey my condolences to your son and tell him that as time passes the pain will diminish and the beautiful memories will remain.

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    • Thank you Michèle. Oh my. Sorry to send you back there. He is devastated. Thankfully he has his friends so they are all helping each other. I will and he knows all to well about pain and time. xoxo

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  5. Such a terrible, terrible time.
    Thank you for putting it in words. For sharing the story. The photos. The ‘how real this is.’
    I’m so so sorry.
    I cannot send time, but I am sending heart-vibes and hugs.
    And love,
    Na’ama

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  6. Sympathies to all of you. Some things you know generically could happen, but you know they never really will — until they do.
    This “think you have time until suddenly it’s gone” is just how I felt when my sister died last December.

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      • I had another look at this short text – I think you couldn’t have put it together in any better way – all the hurt, the unbelievable fact of this young and tragic death, the pain, the near impossibility of accepting what happened, the loss of a life, a friendship, a companion, it’s all put in ‘just the right words’. A young son of very dear friends of ours got killed in a motorbike accident in Argentina (or Chile, forgot right now) on his first holiday trip w/o his family, some 2yrs ago – I knew him when he was a very small boy, always super friendly, nice, well turned out and smiling…. It changes everything in your own life, as you well know, having taken leave of both a son and a husband – now it’s your son who’s lost his dear friend.
        I know words are just that and won’t heal any of you but know that I’m thinking of all of you and I’m sending oodles of love and healing thougts to Canada…. Love you!

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        • Thank you so much, Kiki. It was a heartfelt write and I am glad that you could feel that.
          It is always so sad when their life comes to an end so abruptly.
          Thank you for your healing thoughts. Love you, too!

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  7. I like the way you have captured all the different ‘beginnings’ in this short piece, Dale, and the poignancy of an end that came too soon. I am so sorry for the loss of your son’s friend.

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  8. There are no words, other than those you quoted, which encompass the grief at such loss. The impact of such an event will never leave those who knew him. So sorry for your loss as a family.

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    • Thank you, Sandra. Everyone is reeling. It is something that will stay with all of us who knew him. He had such a zest for life – it’s always them who are taken so suddenly… And thank you for your kind words

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    • Thank you, Beverly. He was my son’s partner in crime, so to speak, for just about every adventure they did. He will be at a loss for a good while, I’ve no doubt.

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  9. Dale,
    I am deeply sorry to hear of the loss suffered by you and your family. My condolences to all.
    Thank you for sharing your grief here and trusting us with it, and for the wonderful backstory, photos, and tears.

    My favorite music during such times is “Turn, Turn, Turn” written by Peter Seeger (he only wrote six words of it), sung by The Byrds. It does make loss easier for me. But I can accept sooner, I think.

    A sad and tragic time. Very well done, and thanks again for sharing.

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  10. Dale, this is terrible news, my condolences to you and your family, absolutely tragic. Untimely death is the hardest to understand, in my opinion. As ever, you have written from your heart and massive respect to you for being able to express what has happened and share it with us. Sending you a virtual hug from Hampshire, England. Your post certainly puts a perspective on much that is going on around us at the present time.

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    • It is, Jilly. I’m still reeling from it. I suspect we will for a good long while. Untimely, too soon, in the prime of his life, so much more to experience. Heartbreaking for his parents, sister, girlfriend, friends and me (because he was truly like family).
      I wanted to write so much more and probably will later, when we know more. Or maybe not. I shall see what my heart tells me to do.
      Thank you so much for your always kind words.

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  11. So sorry Dale, there is never a good time to die. So hard when a young person dies …sadly we all get touched . We all think we have so much time.. we don’t we never know if we will see tomorrow. God bless and help your boy ..God bless you all.

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  12. I’m saddened to read about this, Dale. I feel your heartache and pain. My grandson passed at 24 – sadly self-inflicted. But, an instant loss all the same. One needs to hug, kiss, and pray our children and grandchildren know how much we love them every day. May your sorrow begin to fade in order for the memories to rise and bring you joy. R.I.P. Pat 🙏🙏🙏
    Have a wonderful day … Be Safe
    Isadora 😎

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    • Thank you, Isadora and I am so very sorry about your grandson. It is all the harder when they do it to themselves because we think where did we go wrong? My son is not a huge fan of being hugged but he has been letting me, not afraid to let his tears fall, as well.
      Thank you. I feel so much for his parents. He was such a light to so many people.

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      • Amen to hugs and Iain’s tears. Grieving is important. It helps in the healing. My daughter, my grandsons mother, still mourns after almost two years. There’s always a hole that can’t be filled; especially, for the family. Grief counseling helps sometimes. My granddaughter – his sister – refuses to accept he’s gone. She gets angry. Our goal is to keep her safe. Traveling through unknown waters makes it all the more difficult. Blessings to those who live with unbearable sorrow. My heart aches for your son and you. ❌⭕️❌⭕️❤️ ❤️

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        • It is very important and my family is a talk-talk-talk kind of family. None of this keeping it under wraps. Not healthy. I would never presume to know how long a parent can mourn. There does come a time where you have to accept and absorb the pain and learn to live with it. The pain does lessen with time. Your granddaughter definitely needs more help. I never did go for grief counselling and I avoided groups at all costs because they just keep you IN that pool. You need to move forward. Not on, forward. We are, unfortunately, too familiar with grief. I do wish your daughter and granddaughter well. Sending healing love their way. xoxo

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  13. Q

    Such a theft, this is. A kid with the whole big world in his back pocket, with decades worth of doing his thing and lighting up a room with his smile, gone. And it will never make sense, when someone leaves us so many heartbreaking chapters short of a really good book.

    Love and hugs.

    B

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  14. Oh my dear–I’m so sorry. I’ve been so absorbed in my day to day, I did not see this. It hurts to see those pics. And yet what you describe is a boy full of adventure who went after things with gusto–I’m so glad he did. Short life is hard for us–but short life well-lived is him giving us all a gift. Hugs to you XXOO

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  15. My deepest sympathies, dear Dale, to you, your son and all who know and love Patrice.
    As usual, I’m reading backwards, but knew this was coming from reading Staying The Course.
    The drawing does bring chills to the body.
    I’ve felt the ephemerality of life, since Baba died when I was 10.
    When Norm and I were young, just starting living together, we would have arguments. If he had to go somewhere, he would storm off angry… no good-bye… nothing.
    I said, What if I died before you came home? Freak accidents happen! Or what if something happened to you? Should this be either’s last memory?
    From then on, no matter what, all negative feelings are dropped, and we have a sincere warm kiss good-bye.
    After all, we can always continue the argument when back at home together, if we remember.
    Lol, it’s rare we do.
    Anyway, this is heartbreaking news. Again, condolences, all around!
    I prate, and I restate that you have earned your nickname, dear Thunder!

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  16. Pingback: A Proper Send-Off | A Dalectable Life

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