Home » humour

Category Archives: humour

Weekend Writing Prompt #234 – Empire

Posted on by | 87 Comments

A word prompt to get your creativity flowing this weekend.  How you use the prompt is up to you.  Write a piece of flash fiction, a poem, a chapter for your novel…anything you like.  Or take the challenge below – there are no prizes – it’s not a competition but rather a fun writing exercise.  If you want to share what you come up with, please leave a link to it in the comments.  I decided to go the fashion route.  And I am cheating a little… Wasn’t quite an empire waist 😉  Apologies on the quality of the photo below. Picture of a picture and all that 😉  Should you wish to participate in this challenge, click here to add your link.  Thank you, Sammi for your weekly challenge!

wk 234 empire

Benefits of an Empire Waist

It’s a second marriage; you’re wearing white?

Not white, ecru.

Hmm.

What?  Would you have me wear red, since I’m a divorcée, who then had three children out of wedlock?

Don’t be silly. You’re marrying the father of your children.

That’s right.  Anyway, what do you think of this one?

I like the style. Sort of Grecian.

I like the empire waist.

Hides your lumps.

Hey!

What?

So not cool.

 

Creating Art – Friday Fictioneers

Posted on by | 148 Comments

Good Wednesday!  It is time for Friday Fictioneers, where a bunch of us rush to post on Wednesday because Friday seems too far away.  This week our lovely leader, Rochelle, has gotten the rights to Jennifer Pendergast’s lovely photo.  Did an idea pop into your head upon seeing this lovely bit of children’s art?  Then by all means, do share by clicking on my Lego frog below and add the link to your 100-word story!

©Jennifer Pendergast

Lego Frog Building Instructions - Lego Classic 10698 "How To" - YouTube

Click to play!

Hey babe, what are you up to?

I’m creating a collage.

It looks like a child made it.

Good, it’s supposed to.  I am calling it “Innocence at Play”.

No, seriously.  It looks like a three year old made it.

Right.  And like I said, that is good. It’s what I’m aiming for.

Are you telling me that you will get paid for this crap?

It is not crap. It is art. And yes, I will.

The shit you can get away with when you are a recognized artist.

Isn’t it grand? Plus, it pays the mortgage, so stop bitching.

 

 

As Far As Delicatessens Go… – Friday Fictioneers

Posted on by | 202 Comments

Good Wednesday, my peeps!  It’s Friday Fictioneer’s time and Rochelle not only hosts, she even supplies this week’s wonderful art/inspiration.  After reading her story, I felt the need to add my two cents’ worth 😉  In all fairness, I’ve not been to Katz’s – yet.  So, this is all in jest, of course.  Maybe.  If you’ve a more original idea for a story, by all means, please click on the frog below and add your 100-word story link.

PEPE Jimmy John's Part 1 by DestinyWrites on DeviantArt

click to play

As Far As Delicatessens Go…

This week Rochelle went on and on about Katz’s Deli.  Course, ‘Muricans know nothing ’bout smoked meat.  They are all about the pastrami – which ain’t a bad thing, just not the same thing.  Not trying to shit-disturb over here y’understand, just trying to enlighten.

Lemme tell you, if ever she manages to get her butt up to Montreal, Imma take ‘er to Schwartz’s Deli so’s she can see the difference betwixt smoked meat and pastrami.  Like night and day, I tell ya.

Next thing you know, Rochelle’s gonna try to tell me that New York bagels are better than Montreal’s!

*

*

In the spirit of sharing, here’s a little video and link for ya about Schwartz’s.

Groovy is as Groovy Does

Posted on by | 109 Comments

On Monday, for dVerse, it was Quadrille Monday (44 words, max), hosted by De Jackson, aka WhimsyGizmo.  We had to use the word “groove” or a version of it.  I’m way late to the party but on this morning’s walk to work, I encountered this lady and I suddenly felt like participating.  And like my title says, groovy is as groovy does 😉

I cannot help but think of Iris Apfel who, at 100 years of age, has said (Choosing just one was difficult; the proof being that I changed quotes three times!):

“When the fun goes out of dressing, you might as well be dead. You need to pursue your own fancy.”

Both of us on an exercise mission,

cross each other’s paths.

My hello returned with a smile

Your

mismatched olive hat,

purple-striped shirt

and orange scarf,

with wide-legged grey shorts,

black knee-high socks

joining turquoise running shoes

scream

“I’m groovy coz I say so!”

 

Pay No Heed – Crimson’s Creative Challenge #141

Posted on by | 62 Comments

When I saw this week’s CCC prompt, I was fairly certain where I would go with it. Then I did. And went over the word count. Forgiven, Crispina? Hopefully this garnered a chuckle which saved me a good chastising.  Hope you enjoy my little silly today 🙂

First, we set up a guard, trying to keep the hooligans out.  Maybe we should have made the sign bilingual?  No matter what language it was in, they ignored it.  And the guard.  Not that he put up anything near close a fight, actually.  Truth told, he went and hid under the stairs, quivering as they walked on his head, so to speak.

Once past the gate, the hooligans were meant to be discouraged them from crossing the stream on their way to our pond.  This time it was in English. Did that deter them? Not on your life. They feared no prosecution.  Even laughed from below and wallked all along until they reached their destination.

A sign indicating the water was dangerously deep did not give them pause.  Rather the opposite – just like we knew it would. He he he. The over-hanging branch was further invitation.  First one dove and landed, head in the super soft muck, legs sticking out from the waist down. Or was it up?  We sat back and laughed, watching them help their buddy up and running off our property.  We knew this group was taken care of.  Why none of ’em ever tests to see just how deep it is, is beyond me. Serves ’em right, little bastards.

 

 

A Family Trip – Friday Fictioneers

Posted on by | 159 Comments

It’s Wednesday!  And the last day of work for me, followed by a four-day weekend. Again. Wooo hoooo!  So, why not play a little with this lovely Russell Gayer image?  Thanks, always to Rochelle for hosting this weekly party.  I do appreciate your efforts, my friend.  Should you be interested in writing your own 100-word story to go with, just click on the frogs below and add you link!

Click to play

 

All five of us in a van for four weeks?  Have you lost your mind?

It’ll be great.  We’ll get a chance to see most of our beautiful country and part of the States on our return.

Five of us. Together. Four weeks.

Yes.  It’ll be great.  We each get one hour of music and no one is allowed to complain.

Hah! You think that is enough to stem potential arguments?

Have faith.

And you, have reality.

I do. And I think this will be a trip of a lifetime.

Or will feel like it lasts that long…

Shut up.

 

The Stories We Could Tell – Friday Fictioneers

Posted on by | 114 Comments

Friday Fictioneers is here!  I’ve been looking at this pic for a good while, trying to come up with something original. So. instead, you get this!  Thanks to Rochelle for hosting this come rain or shine and, this week, thanks go to Liz Young for this wonderful image! Click on the frog below, if you happen to have something better to tell! Remember, 100 words, maximum!

©Liz Young

Frog Car Stock Illustrations – 531 Frog Car Stock Illustrations, Vectors & Clipart - Dreamstime

click to play!

The Stories We Could Tell

Oh boy!  I bet the story for that one is interesting!

No kidding.  Kid does a Ferris Bueller, only, instead of putting it in reverse trying to back up the odometer, puts it in drive and it flies off the stand, through the garage and then through the wall!

Good one!  How about this?  In full War of the Roses mode, wife takes husband’s precious car and instead of squashing it with her big-ass monster truck, puts a weight on the gas pedal and lets it fly!

Oh yeah. That’s good too.

Probably just some dumb-ass who can’t drive.

Probably….

 

Just an Illusion – Friday Fictioneers

Posted on by | 83 Comments

Friday Fictioneers. On a Saturday!  Who’d a thunk?  Why not is what I say.  Thank you, always, to Rochelle for hosting this weekly challenge.  And thanks to Miles Rost for the use of this great picture.  Should you want to play, just click on the frog below and add your 100 words’ worth!   G’head, it’s a great way to learn how to cut the fat in your writing.

©Miles Rost

Art card High Wire | Etsy

Click to play!

Just an Illusion

How do you do that?

Do what?

Balance it all. Get everything done.

Wherever did you get that idea?

I watch you. I see.  You seem to have a handle on everything.

Ha ha! Trust me, I don’t. It may look like it but oh, hell no. I do not. Not even close!

I think you’re pulling my leg. Tell me how you do it.

Listen to me. And don’t look too closely.  I am the queen of illusion. I flit, I dance, it’s all smoke and mirrors.

Fake it till you make it?

More like baffle them with bullshit.

 

 

 

 

Weekend Writing Prompt #209 – Wanton

Posted on by | 75 Comments

A word prompt to get your creativity flowing this weekend.  How you use the prompt is up to you.  Write a piece of flash fiction, a poem, a chapter for your novel…anything you like.  Or take the challenge below – there are no prizes – it’s not a competition but rather a fun writing exercise.  If you want to share what you come up with, please leave a link to it in the comments.  This was a fun one!  Thank you for continuing this fun prompt, Sammi!

wk 209 wanton

 

What a tramp! Look at her flaunting her bosoms and bottom in that figure-forming dress!

Good grief, how archaic are you?  Why such a wanton attack on a woman who is confident in her own sexuality?

What does Chinese food have to do with this?

What?

Wonton. You said–

Wanton, fool

You mean sexually promiscuous.

More like malicious and unprovoked.

 

Totally random shot… but this flower is kinda confidently sexy, no?

 

What a Deal! – Friday Fictioneers

Posted on by | 150 Comments

It’s Wednesday!  And looky here! It’s my photo and yet another that was used in a Crispina prompt!  That Rochelle does like to challenge me, doesn’t she? Making me have to come up with something new.  I tell ya. Click on the frog below to add your link, should you be so inspire!

Garden Toad House Frog Home Outdoor Lawn Decor Statues & Lawn Ornaments Garden Décor

What a Deal!

I know we’ve visited quite a few properties but there is one more I want to see. Check the listing:  ‘Lake front property, beautiful views, three bedrooms, two baths’.  It’s a steal at two hundred and fifty K.

Steal or robbery?  At that price I’m thinking it’s a shack, ready for demolition!

Maybe it’s a succession thing and they just want to get rid of it!  Who knows until we go see, right?

I guess it can’t hurt to go visit. Just don’t get your hopes up.

***

Welp. Definitely not a succession thing.

They should rephrase that to In-Lake property.