Weekend Writing Prompt #115 – Judge

A word prompt to get your creativity flowing this weekend.  How you use the prompt is up to you.  Write a piece of flash fiction, a poem, a chapter for your novel…anything you like.  Or take the challenge below – there are no prizes – it’s not a competition but rather a fun writing exercise.  If you want to share what you come up with, please leave a link to it in the comments.  Thank you, Sammi, for hosting this weekly party.

Word Prompt

Judge

Challenge

How dare you stand there and judge me

You point your finger

Take pleasure in telling me

That I am stupid

That I am wrong

You tell me I’ve failed

In how I raise my kids

In how I look

In how I keep my house

Whom I choose to bed

How I live my life

You’ve allowed outside forces to distort what you see

Don’t you know loving kindness goes much further?

Use words of love rather than judgment and hate

Time to stop

When you stand in front of the mirror

Speak kindly

 

Crimson’s Creative Challenge #14 – Juste Milieu

Ahh Crispina.  You’ve done it again.  You have enticed me to join in on your CCC challenge again this week.  Of course, it is Valentine’s Day today.  Of course, love is on so many people’s minds, and to a certain extent, mine as well.  That Google “Remember this day” sure didn’t help by reminding me that five years ago today, my husband and I celebrated our last one together with him decorating the dining room with all things heart, making me a meal and gifting me with my camera.  On my own since December of that same year, many thoughts on what I want or don’t want have criss-crossed my mind, going from, I really hope I meet someone, to, well, how about I meet someone who doesn’t need to have me 24/7?  There is something to this doing her own thing that quite appeals, even if occasionally, it can be lonely.  Enough rambling.  To my submission!

 

Choosing Me

“You don’t need a man to make you happy”

“You’ll be lonely remaining alone”

“Don’t be so picky”

“Don’t lower your standards”

Words thrown from all directions, including internally

 

What happened to making your own choices?

Trusting your own judgment?

 

A tasty meal with the perfect wine, wonderful conversation, followed by delicious sex

Why can’t that be enough for you?

Friendship, movies, a walk in the woods, holding hands, kissing, star-gazing

Why can’t that suffice?

 

Must it be all one?

And none of the other?

Where is the “juste milieu”? for me? for you?

 

One wants it all

The other wants just some

Neither can be forced

 

So, for now, I shall remain firmly planted at that junction

Forced neither left nor right

And should someone come along that makes my heart sing

And for whom I do the same?

Then let that path open wide.

(150 words)

Weekend Writing Prompt #89 – Silhouette

I just finished watching a biopic of Jane Fonda and was inspired by something she said.  Suddenly I knew what I wanted to write for this challenge.

A word prompt to get your creativity flowing this weekend.  How you use the prompt is up to you.  Write a piece of flash fiction, a poem, a chapter for your novel…anything you like.  Or take the challenge below – there are no prizes – it’s not a competition but rather a fun writing exercise.  If you want to share what you come up with, please leave a link to it in the comments.  Thank you, Sammi, for hosting this party.

Word Prompt

Silhouette

Challenge

It took me years

To reside comfortably within my own skin

No longer a silhouette of myself

I can feel my anger

I can feel my judgments

I can feel my kindness

Everything that makes up who I am

Including the fact that I just may be

Stonger and braver than the man I am with

Which is difficult for him

But necessary for me

What Determines Beauty?

“Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror.
But you are eternity and you are the mirror.”
Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

Three years ago, at a get-together of eight former classmates (and a few spouses) I met Tania Cong.  Tania is married to François, not only one of the said classmates, but the one who organised our reunion.  It was a wonderful happening and one that I felt extremely privileged to be a part of.  You see, I only briefly hung out with but a few of them back in the school days and yet, I was included in this, what turned out to be, fortuitous event.

Class of ’81:  Marc H, François, Tania (welcome intruder), Chantal, Martin, me, Sylvie. Marc G., Dany

This first get-together gave birth to a desire to keep it going and not lose touch.  We have reunited, minus or plus a few, depending on people’s schedules and health, many times per year since then.  François and Tania were part of quite a few of these.

You know that image of a smiling, laughing little Oriental we have been fed through TV and the movies and various other media?  Well, you cannot help but add Tania to that image.  Please note I am by no means denigrating this lovely lady at all when I write this.  She is a beautiful woman, born in Vietnam, who has found her way into François’ heart and thereby, into our circle.  And we are all blessed for it.  I have yet to see a frown mar her pure face.  This little video I taped in error shows that…

While I have met Tania a handful of times over the past three years, this past Saturday, at Giselle and Dany’s annual BBQ, we really got a chance to chat more than usual.  Or rather, she was even more talkative than ever.  It just so happened all the women were at the same end of the table and subjects morphed from one subject to another.

Sonia, Deirdre, Linda, Tania, Gisele, Caroline, Me

Other than that youn’un Sonia (who’s I think, not even forty), we are a mighty fine looking group of fifty-somethings, don’t ya think? 🙂

Talk turned to twins – Deirdre has twin girls – and we learned that Tania is a twin.  She was saying they are so connected that when her sister gave birth, she felt her sister’s pain.  We marvelled at that.

Talk turned to Tania’s wedding to François about ten years ago. For the first time in her life, Tania was being coerced into putting make-up on her face.  We all looked at her in disbelief.  No way!  “Yes,” she said in her very heavily accented English.  She was informed she needed to get a facial and have her brows plucked and her ‘stache waxed and for heaven’s sake, put some lipstick on! She said that stuff felt weird on her lips and she was made to feel that maybe she was not enough.  And she resented that.  And refused to look at herself looking like this.

She then shocked us even more.  She informed us that she never looks at herself in a mirror.  Ever.  As a matter of fact, other than the one in the bathroom – which she won’t use – there are no mirrors in her house.

Stunned?  Not strong enough to describe our reaction.  Dumbfounded.  Astonished.  Stupified.

Surely, she was joking!  She shook her head. “I don’t need to look at myself when I wash my face, brush my teeth, comb my hair.  Although I wasn’t sure with that make=up on how to remove it!”

Yes, but….We clearly, all six of us, still cannot comprehend.  It is beyond us to even contemplate the absence of a mirror in our lives.

“Why would I look in a mirror?  What will I see?  Will I find fault with my appearance?  Will I think I am not good enough?  Not beautiful?  No.  I don’t need to look in a mirror.  François tells me I am beautiful.  So. I believe him.”

Happy birthday, Tania!  You are a beautiful light to all of us who have had the privilege of meeting you!

 

 

Ridiculously Optimistic or Foolishly Delusional

“See me for who I am, and then you’ll see the real me.”
Anthony T. Hincks

I have had many adjectives assigned (allotted? thrown?) to/at me over the years.  Most, I believe, are positive:  athletic, strong, caring, generous, beautiful, smart, intelligent, cultured, interesting, resilient (why do I cringe with this one?), open, accepting, helpful, talented, optimistic, realistic, honest, funny.  Some, I know, are negative:  bitchy, cold, heartless, naive, disorganized, lazy, delusional, ridiculous, foolish, sarcastic (on the fence on where this one belongs) – there are surely more but why focus on the negative?  And some fall somewhere in-between; or rather, I know they are not necessarily negative per se, but when they were thrown at me, were not meant to be complimentary:  eccentric, weird, different.  Many, as you can see, are contradictory because perception is, well, what you perceive.

One day I will get to the point in my life where I can say this is my philosophy as well.  I am working on it.  I like to think I’m a good 75% there.

What has this got to do with my title?  Everything.  And nothing, to tell the truth.  I am, and have been, at various times in my life, every single one of the adjectives above – and more.  And will again in the future.  Because that is who I am. What you see, is what you get.  No one is all good, all the time, no matter what people say or think (ridiculously optimistic)?  Nor are they all bad, all the time either (foolishly delusional)?

I’m blathering.

Because I have been thinking lately about friendships and romance.  And won’t lie.  Have been rather frustrated and kinda lonely at times.  Maybe I’ve been thinking too much!

We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It’s a death trap.

And, much as I say I have no expectations, it’s really hard not to have at least a little…

Friendships:  We form all sorts of friendships with people.  Some are surface-type and of lesser import and others go much deeper.  With the deeper ones, we like to think (and can’t help but expect) the other feels the same way about us as we do, them.  It is heartbreaking when you realise that no, you are not on the same wavelength at all.  Sometimes the other plays along to your tune to make you happy until they finally admit to themselves that this is not what they wanted in the first place and slowly drift away or immediately cut ties.  You are left standing wondering what the hell you did wrong and why the music stopped.  The truth is, you did nothing wrong.  And neither did they.  The other had different lyrics in mind.  To be fair, it goes both ways.  And to be even more honest, there rarely is malicious intent (this may be naive of me but I’ll keep that trait, thank you very much).  Of course, it would be wonderful if each communicated to the other their desires from the get-go…

“When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as
the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.”
Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

Romance/Sex/Love:  This one is a hard one.  I can say all sorts of things but losing Mick put me in a position I was frankly not that interested in finding myself.  I remember telling him once that I would prefer to keep the devil I knew then to find myself out there on the “market” again.  Thanks a lot, Mick.  What’s a woman to do? 51, working in her own kitchen, all her friends (mostly) are coupled…  How are you supposed to meet people guys?  So I signed up for a couple dating Apps.  Yes, those ones.  And I won’t lie.  I had a lot of fun.  And a lot of headaches.  I was not looking to become part of a full-time couple – not permanently, anyway and not at that particular time 😉  I wanted to go out, do stuff with someone, date.  Not that I have a problem with taking myself to the movies and such; but let’s face it, it is much more enjoyable à deux.  This dating shit is not for the faint of heart, lemme tell you.  I could write a book.  Point is, I go off and on these stupid sites every time I get fed up of being alone and in the hope of meeting someone who wants to do more than have a one-night-stand.  That old optimism thing.  Which I quit again.  Was exhausting.

“…sometimes I get tired. Sometimes I get bored. And sometimes all I want, more than anything else in the world, is to go on a freaking date.”
Kiersten White, Paranormalcy

I shall call this my little rant.  It shall pass.  It always does.